If Only She Knew Just How Much...

Every woman goes through a phase of what I call the "not recognizing yourself" phase.  Its when over night, you wake up and don't recognize the person you see in the mirror due to little 10-fingered blessings that enter your life.  Its not that you ever wake up and regret your decision to sacrifice some things, one of them being your body, to bring them into your life...but it is hard none the less.  Men don't typically understand because they gradually change for the most part over the course of years, where we dramatically change over the course of weeks.  I don't care who you are, or whether your body changes more or less than others, its hard all the same.  I don't feel like that means that you're shallow, self centered, or prideful for feeling that way.  I just think that it takes some getting use to is all.

(This isn't me....would never have the guts :)

I am thankful for my weirdo metabolism, however....my stomache looks like a train wreck.  I think that some are more prone to  stretch marks and I'm pretty sure I'm one of the worst.  I remember seeing my beautiful mom when I was little with the exact same stretch marks and never understood at the time why her tummy looked so different than mine.  Today I came full circle:

Lauren:  "Mom....what's wrong with your tummy?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Lauren: "Why do you have cracks on your tummy" (As she is inspecting her own)
Me: "Well Lauren.... sometimes thats what happens when you have babies"
Lauren: "Mom...your tummy is so beautiful"

Beautiful... my definition from when I was younger, before I had kids was so different from the definition of it now.  It used to be that I gaged it strictly off of the physically symetrical attributes that the media taught me.  I don't see it that way anymore.  I see it through the eyes of my sweet 4 year old who had no idea how much that word would mean to me this morning.  Now I see those images that used to measure my perspective on what "beautiful" is and I would guess that some of those models and actresses cannot possibly feel as beautiful as I do when my husband kisses me on the neck while I'm making dinner to let me know how beautiful I am, with or without a shower that day.  Or when I'm getting ready in the morning and my two sweet little girls want nothing more than to use my makeup the same way I do and tell me "good job mom, your lips are so beautiful" or when I haven't done anything with my hair all week except for fixing the ponytail I rocked the day before and Sam looks at me like I am the most important person in his life.  Did I feel this beautiful before I aquired these "cracks" on my no longer flat tummy?  Absolutely not. 

She is not the picture on the magazine
She's the woman just behind you in the check out stand
She may appear to be common but she mystifies
In all the ways the wisest men, and children understand
That she has eyes that sparkle with her love
And she has a smile, thats a gentle as a dove
And no woman in the movies or an Ad
Could ever hope to be
As beautiful as She

She is not a highly honored diplomat
Held responsible to lead the world to peace
What she does is every bit as serious
A midst the turmoil every where that will never cease
Cause she has hands that wipe the tears away
And she has a voice, that makes everything OK
And no woman in the papers or TV
Could ever hope to be
As indespensible as She

And it breaks my heart every time I see her wonder
If she means anything in this world that pulls her under
And she doesn't always see with that Heaven smiles above her
Thats the reason I try to always tell her, that I love her

Cause she may not be known for giving millions
To the charities and auctions on the news
I believe She's given more than anyone
On all the times she's ever had to choose
To give up sleep...to rock her children every night
And give her heart, to always hold their dreams so tight
And the best that you or I could ever hope to be as wonderful as She
And the best that you or I could ever hope to be is as wonderful as She